Clara’s Cross Episode 1 — The Birthday
Meet Clara. Today she’s 21. She wants it to be a day like any other, but it might just be the day her life changes forever.
When Clara woke up on the morning of her twenty-first birthday, nothing about it felt special. Not a single thing. She turned off her usual phone alarm, glanced around her same-as-ever room, then sat up in her oh-so-familiar bed. Maybe, she thought, just maybe… today will be alright.
Clara had been dreading this day for weeks, and then inevitably hating herself for it. She would remind herself it was just a day like any other, it only had as much power as she chose to give it. But the dread would always creep back, nestling once more into the back of her mind where she would carry it throughout the day.
As she got out of bed, the day finally here, she realized with dissatisfaction that the dread was still there. Can’t be that surprised, there’s still plenty of time for today to go wrong. She walked to the door of her room and paused for a moment, quietly listening. She could tell one of her roommates was in the kitchen making breakfast. Probably Sasha, Jenn rarely woke up earlier than she had to and her first class wasn’t until noon. Clara opened the door slowly, then silently slid out and down the hallway of the apartment to the bathroom.
She hadn’t told either of her roommates about her birthday, so she wasn’t worried about them being all over her, but she still wasn’t quite ready to talk to anyone this morning. Her trip to the bathroom helped wake her up a bit more, and after pulling on her favorite pair of jeans and a comfy hoodie she felt prepared for basic human interaction. But the scene awaiting her in the kitchen was a few steps above basic. Jenn stood at the stove, minding a pan of scrambled eggs for a moment then shifting over to flip a pancake on the other burner. Judging by the dark brown hue of the pancake she was just a little bit overwhelmed by her mild multitasking. But that didn’t stop her from whirling around as Clara walked in to enthusiastically declare, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
Clara was so taken aback that it took her a few seconds to even manage to say, “Oh, uh thanks. How did you — ?”
“How did I know today was your birthday?” Jenn asked quickly. “Hmm.. how about I phrase my answer as another question. Why did I have to Facebook stalk one of my best friends, check all of her photos and tagged photos — finding nothing useful, by the way — then check all of her dad’s photos and tagged photos, just to find a single picture posted ten years ago by her aunt wishing her a happy birthday — in order to know today was your birthday?” Jenn took a deep breath after saying the last word.
“The simple answer to that is that you could’ve not done all of that crazy stuff and just asked her like a normal person,” Sasha’s sleepy voice replied as she walked into the kitchen, probably woken up by Jenn’s loud speech and the subtle burning smell filling the apartment from her cooking.
“Well look who’s up now, thanks for helping with breakfast,” Jenn laughed.
“Sorry,” yawned Sasha, “I was up late doing homework. Happy birthday, Clara.” She shuffled over to Clara and gave her a friendly hug.
“Thanks,” Clara replied, “Jenn you really didn’t have to go to the trouble of getting up early to make me breakfast. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate it, I do! It’s just that I don’t really do much to celebrate my birthday, that’s why I didn’t bother telling you. It’s just another day to me, you know?”
Jenn opened her mouth then closed it and pursed her lips, clearly struggling to process what Clara had said. Jenn loved celebrations of any kind, especially birthdays. Clara got away with keeping hers private last year when they didn’t live together, but now that they did it really wasn’t surprising that she had found it out, although her level of commitment was still impressive. Of course, Aunt Judy would be the one to give her away.
Sasha spoke before Jenn could gather her thoughts, “Hey well if that’s what you want that’s totally cool. Just another day. It is your day after all.” She looked to Jenn as she said the last words.
“Thanks for understanding,” Clara smiled, looking back and forth between the two girls then over to the stove, “So.. how about we eat? It smells delicious, Jenn.”
“Uh yeah, let’s eat!” Jenn snapped out of her confused moment and turned back to the stove. She brought the eggs and pancakes to the table. Clara could tell that she wasn’t ready to drop the birthday conversation. She turned her interest immediately to the food, hoping to at least postpone the inevitable prying. The pancakes were all a little overcooked, but still alright, and the eggs had actually come out great.
“So,” Jenn began almost right away, wasting no time, “If you’re not big on celebrating, why are you going home tonight? I figured since you barely ever go back then this time must be because it’s your birthday. Do you only celebrate with family or..?” She had been poking at her eggs as she spoke but then fixed her eyes squarely on Clara as her question trailed off.
“Actually, I decided I’m not going home after all,” Clara avoided Jenn’s gaze, “My dad really wants me to, but, I’m just… not up for it I guess. I’d rather just stay here and it’s not like he’s ever cared much about my birthday anyways. My family just isn’t big on them, not since we lost my mom at least.”
“Oh,” Jenn looked down, frowning. Clara knew Jenn well enough to know her frown was partially empathy and partially from disappointment that she hadn’t known sooner or she would’ve planned more birthday activities.
Sasha, who had been quietly eating as she waited for her chance to diffuse the tension between her roommates, took advantage of the moment of silence to optimistically chime in, “Well if you’re staying then you should definitely come to Jeremy’s party tonight. Every twenty-one-year-old should at least celebrate their birthday with a drink.”
“Yeah you can come to the party!” Jenn’s eyes lit up as she recovered from her previous disappointment. “And maybe this afternoon we can all go out for drinks! O’Flanagan’s has a great birthday special!”
Clara’s eyebrows went up but she was quickly saved again by Sasha, who countered, “Actually, I was kinda planning on going to the memorial today. They’re having it in the quad.”
The excitement left Jenn’s eyes and the expressions of all three girls became somber. The memorial was for a girl named Amber Evans. She had disappeared a few weeks ago, and then last week her body turned up in a lake ten miles away from campus. Her death had been ruled a homicide, and the police still didn’t seem to have many leads. In their comparatively small college town crimes like that were rare, so rare that it was hard to believe that it had even happened.
“Mind if I come to the memorial with you?” Clara asked.
“Yeah me too,” Jenn added, so distracted by the change of conversation that she didn’t even seem bothered by the idea of Clara spending part of her birthday at a memorial for a murder victim.
“Of course,” Sasha answered, “We can meet by the library after Jenn’s sociology class.”
The three of them ate the rest of their meals in silence, then went their separate ways for the morning. Sasha and Clara both had 9 am classes, so they took the bus together to campus.
The rest of Clara’s morning was blissfully ordinary. As usual, she had a great time in her marketing class. As expected, her calculus class was just a bit too fast-paced for her to write everything down, but she could listen to the lecture again later to get what she missed. And as a tidy end to her Friday classes, she got back her midterm in her economics class, with a score slightly — and satisfyingly — higher than she had expected. She had an hour to kill before meeting up with her roommates, so she stopped by the coffee kiosk outside of the library and got herself a mocha to sip on as she waited and worked on a bit of homework.
It was a nice day, spring was just beginning to manifest, so she sat outside to work. The soft sound of leaves rustling in the breeze mixed nicely with the hum of the campus. Students hurried by, a handful riding bikes or skateboards. A leaf blower roared to life in the distance, far away enough that it was only a dull tone to Clara. This was the birthday she had wanted.
Clara remembered when she was small, before her mother died, that each of her birthdays was a momentous occasion. They would have French toast for breakfast, and then if Clara didn’t have school that day they would go somewhere special, to see the snakes at the zoo or to the carousel in the park across town. Then in the evening they’d have a special birthday dinner followed by chocolate cake, Clara’s all-time favorite. The day was never about gifts as much as it was about spending time together, and she had loved it.
When they lost her mother, things changed. It just wasn’t the same. Her dad had tried at first to keep up the birthday tradition: French toast and a special trip and chocolate cake, but even when he tried he seemed to do so begrudgingly, as if bringing up the memories of her mother was too much for him. After a few years, they seemed to reach an unspoken agreement to just drop the act altogether. Clara didn’t mind, she didn’t need another day to be reminded of the pain of her loss. When she moved away for school it became even easier to pretend that her birthday was just like any other day. Easier to push down the memories and get on with her life.
And then came this year, the big two-one. Her dad had messaged her weeks in advance suggesting that she visit home for her birthday. She had been surprised, to say the least. She hardly ever went back; she and her dad just weren’t that close. It wasn’t that they didn’t love each other, they just never seemed to have much to talk about. In Clara’s mind, moving away had allowed them to have their ideal amount of interaction: brief holiday visits, monthly calls, the occasional text exchange, and supportive likes on social media posts.
When he asked her to come home, she wasn’t thrilled. But she didn’t have a good reason not to, since she didn’t have birthday plans of her own. And she knew going back meant she’d probably get to see her grandma too, her mom’s mom who had recently moved in with her dad. So she’d said yes.
But as the day got closer, the thought of the long drive and awkward family birthday celebration seemed more and more unpleasant. So she had changed her mind and texted her dad last week saying it just wasn’t going to work for her. She’d assumed he’d understand. Despite all of the apparent weaknesses in their relationship their one strength had always been being on the same page about their level of interaction.
But he’d texted her multiple times in the past week trying to change her mind, and had even gone so far as to call, although by then Clara was a bit irked and let it go to voicemail. She wasn’t really happy about the whole situation, but she mostly turned her frustrations toward the fact that he even wanted her to come back in the first place. What was so special about this birthday that they just had to be together?
Clara didn’t get much work done in her spare hour but since she wasn’t going home anymore she had the whole weekend free to make up for it. She found Sasha in front of the library and they chatted for a few minutes about their classes until Jenn joined them and told them all about the documentary she had watched today in sociology class as they headed over to the memorial. Clara was beginning to wonder if Jenn’s description would be longer than the documentary itself when they reached the edge of the quad.
They could see a crowd of people beginning to gather on the southwest end so they walked over to join them. A small stage had been set up and was adorned with flowers and pictures of Amber Evans. Amber was beautiful. Before today Clara had only seen a single picture of her, the same picture used in all of the news segments and articles. But here there were dozens of photos with family and friends. She had long dark hair and warm brown eyes. And her smile in each of the pictures looked natural, not forced like Clara’s always seemed to end up being in photos. Clara wondered what she had been like. Maybe in a different world they could have had a class together at some point.
The memorial began soon after their arrival, with statements from campus and community leaders, followed by a stream of family and friends who told stories of Amber’s kindness, her volunteer work with local children, and her fluffy cat that she loved dearly. Finally, a woman walked up to the podium to close the memorial. She too had dark hair and deep brown eyes. Her long nose and plump lips were like Amber’s too, and Clara briefly scanned the array of pictures, quickly spotting the woman in many. This must be Amber’s mom.
Mrs. Evans cleared her throat, then began to speak. As she thanked everyone for coming, Clara noticed a dullness in her eyes. She looked tired. Clara didn’t blame her. She couldn’t imagine how draining it must be to not even know what happened to Amber, or who had done it. When her mom died it had been hard, but at least there was no mystery to it. They all bowed their heads for a short final prayer, and once the prayer ended, Amber’s mom gave one last request,
“Please, if anyone has any information about who did this to my daughter, any information at all, please go to the police. Help us get justice for my little girl.”
— Thanks for reading, check out Episode 2 here!—
